Can't quite put my finger on it....

....but something just isn't as happy about this new job as my other jobs. I hate to complain because I am thankful I could even find a job in the area that I love (scrapbooking). But after working for two independent stores and now working for a mega corporate store, it's just not the same. It's like the joy has been sucked out of it.

Plus (and don't tell anyone this), I don't really feel like a supervisor.

All of the ladies I work with are nice. A number of them are college students. There are a couple who are around my age. But I just don't like the division of management vs. non management. I suppose it's necessary. Someone should be accountable for counting the drawers from the registers; can't have everyone with access, I guess. And then there's the checking of purses before we leave the store. Gotta love that element of suspicion/distrust that we must work under. To be fair, even the manager and assistant manager must have their bags checked. Oh, and the patting down of coats when the weather calls for an extra layer.

Which brings me to... wasn't this a scrapbook store? I seem to be distracted by internal procedures and such. But yes, I think there are customers who enjoy scrapbooking. But it seems I am more preoccupied with staying within the rules and regulations.

When I met the district manager for the first time, last week, she asked how I was liking it. With my brightest smile I told her I was enjoying it, everyone is very nice, "but it's a lot more corporate than I am used to." Does that sound like complaining? I hope not. I told her I was trying to bring the "homey" into it. (Did I just make that word up? "Homey"? I mean more of a personal, at-home sort of feeling.)

Anyway... I've had just one great, fun experience with a customer since I have worked there. I wish there were more of those.

Can I wear my management hat sideways? Sort of be on the fence, if you will? I guess not.

Maybe here's the real kicker... I don't work enough hours a week to feel like I am on top of what is going on. I still feel "new" even after two months. I miss being the go-to person when there are questions. I don't like feeling as if I don't know the answers. Maybe I just need more confidence. Maybe I can pull off this manager thing, too, with more confidence. Seems I only feel in my element when I can help a customer... and isn't that really what it was about all along?