"There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass" (Charles Kuralt).
Melancholy... a thoughtful sadness. I don't know if it's the change in weather, missing Steve, working a long day, or all of those things combined, but melancholy is what I feel tonight. Seems like everything I have been reading or looking at tonight has brought up sad thoughts. But it's a sweet sadness. One that makes me thankful to have memories of those I love. Missing Grandma Ruth tonight and my Grandmother and Granddaddy Gordon. Wondering what legacy I will leave behind for my family. I often wonder if I will live to see my granchildren. I hope so. Although, if I do, I'm going to wish I had taken better care of this body I am in. As Mickey Mantle said before he died, "If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself.".
A customer I have known for several years came to the store today and told me she recently found out she has breast cancer. She doesn't yet know what her treatment options are. She was upbeat and buying things to make a pink, princess theme breast cancer album to chronicle this journey she is about to take. It makes me think of the line from a song I hear on the Christian radio station, "We are all just one phone call from our knees."
Aren't we though.
In the time it takes to draw a breath our lives can change. I think I'm sitting and waiting for the change tonight. Wondering what it will be, and when it will come.
I'm ready to hand it all over to God. I don't have the power to change situations beyond my control. I can't control where Steve will find a job. If Steve will find a job. I don't even feel like I can control the things I am supposed to be able to control. For this moment I am just going to "be".
Alone, I will never be enough. With God, everything is possible.