Melancholy baby...

"There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass" (Charles Kuralt).

Melancholy... a thoughtful sadness. I don't know if it's the change in weather, missing Steve, working a long day, or all of those things combined, but melancholy is what I feel tonight. Seems like everything I have been reading or looking at tonight has brought up sad thoughts. But it's a sweet sadness. One that makes me thankful to have memories of those I love. Missing Grandma Ruth tonight and my Grandmother and Granddaddy Gordon. Wondering what legacy I will leave behind for my family. I often wonder if I will live to see my granchildren. I hope so. Although, if I do, I'm going to wish I had taken better care of this body I am in. As Mickey Mantle said before he died, "If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself.".

A customer I have known for several years came to the store today and told me she recently found out she has breast cancer. She doesn't yet know what her treatment options are. She was upbeat and buying things to make a pink, princess theme breast cancer album to chronicle this journey she is about to take. It makes me think of the line from a song I hear on the Christian radio station, "We are all just one phone call from our knees."

Aren't we though.

In the time it takes to draw a breath our lives can change. I think I'm sitting and waiting for the change tonight. Wondering what it will be, and when it will come.

I'm ready to hand it all over to God. I don't have the power to change situations beyond my control. I can't control where Steve will find a job. If Steve will find a job. I don't even feel like I can control the things I am supposed to be able to control. For this moment I am just going to "be".

Alone, I will never be enough. With God, everything is possible.

Belated Hello...

It's taken me awhile to post this, I guess it was a little too painful to post after Steve went back to Utah. But I did get a few pictures when we met him at the airport on his arrival, and I"m ready to share them.




Nathan wanted to act like it was no big deal, until he actually saw his Dad. Then he couldn't hide his happiness any longer.


Then came Beck's turn. There was no hiding how anxious he was to see his Dad. They have a very close bond.



No pictures of me and Chloe greeting him, since we were the ones with the camera. But below is a pic of three very content family members. Enjoying time together, doing the things they love to do.

Moved to tears

I just want to say that I was moved to tears today by my young man, Nathan. He has matured so much recently. Today when I got home from a long day at work, I had a headache. I was cranky and tired. He asked me if something was wrong. I told him my head hurt. He told me to go lay down, that he didn't like to see me feeling bad.

As I was laying in bed I realized how he has taken up the role recently of watching over me and his brother and sister. His Dad has been gone for almost 3 months. Nathan is almost 14.

In the last couple of weeks this is what I have seen from him:

He has helped Beck learn about Junior High school. He showed him where his classes are, he showed him how to open his locker. He told him how lunch works.

He said he was thinking about changing his schedule so that he would have the same lunch as Beck.

He has tried to appease Beck when Beck was having meltdowns in the evening this week. He offers to let Beck watch him play on the computer. Beck loves to do that.

He hugs me when I feel down. He pats my back. He doesn't complain when I ask him to do chores. He drops everything when I ask. Did I mention he doesn't complain??!

He plays and acts silly with Chloe. She adores him! He invites her and/or Beck to spend the night in his room. They consider that to be a special invitation.

I love that boy. And I want everyone else to see the good in him. When we are in public he often looks glum and is very quiet. But that's his insecurity showing through.

I am so proud that at almost 14 he still hugs and kisses me. Not in public, mind you, but at home, where it counts and has the most meaning.

Did I mention that I love that boy? Because really, I love him.

Color in a Box

Before

Chloe has been wanting to go totally blonde for a couple of years. I started realizing that lots of kids we know, her age and up, dye their hair, especially at summer time. So I decided she could dye hers.

After

She loves it! I think it looks cute, too. Plus, it gives her a little boost in her confidence which will be great for starting 5th grade in a few weeks.

10.0 10.0 10.0 9.9 10.0

Four out of 5 judges agree;
a perfect underwater handstand!

Well, maybe that's just a Mother's point of view.

At my prompting and cajoling, Steve acquiesced and we bought an above ground pool a few weeks ago. I know, I know, it's not fancy like an in-ground pool; maybe it's even a little redneck. But you know what? We are LOVING it! My computer-lovin', DS playin', couch potatoein' children are getting exercise, doing something they love to do. Swim! And they are really good at it.

We have had the best fun together. We all four run around the same direction in the pool to create a whirlpool, which is actually just a semi-strong current. We play, we laugh, we all act silly and we are moving our bodies at the same time. And best of all, it's right in our back yard. I don't know how many times over the 11 years we have lived here, I have driven past our neighborhood pool and longed for a night time swim. Now I can do it any time I want.

Yea, it's not a fancy in-ground pool like most of the neighbors have... but it's ours, and it's in our own back yard.

Goodbye Grandma Ruth

Steve's sweet Grandma passed away in her sleep Wednesday night, June 30th. She was 96 years old. We all called her Grandma Ruth.

When I first met her after Steve and I were married, almost 17 years ago, I was so surprised by her humor and quick wit. I had heard many stories from Steve about how his Grandma used to sit and play chess or other board games with him. She was always willing to play on the kids' levels. That was still true when she met our children. She would get down on the floor with them when she could. And they would get her undivided attention.



These family pictures were taken in 2005 when we were able to take a trip to Kansas to visit. We were pretty sure it would be the last time we would see her alive. Her health was declining by then.

Grandma Ruth and Nathan 2001

Grandma Ruth and Chloe 2001

We will miss Grandma Ruth, but we are so happy for her to be out of pain.

Special Mother's Day

Pasta + Pizza +Olive Garden + Oldest Son = A Wonderful Mother's Day Gift.

It was so heartwarming to me when Nathan told me he wanted to take me to The Olive Garden for Mother's Day. He had his own money from the sale of his lawn mower, and the fact that he wanted to spend it on me, was so thoughful.

I love that boy!